As a hypnotherapist, I see women and men, and it doesn’t seem to matter the gender; people are affected for life by the words of their parents. And this can be good and bad. I don’t believe that we can escape words that hurt us but do I believe we can bank up strong and empowering words that will hold us up when faced with pain.
So, if you’re a parent, I’m not telling you to hold your tongue or be a doormat to your child. I am telling you to empower your child with strong words from you that will carry them through life. Because of that, here are three things that Moms should tell their sons.
The First Thing a Mom Needs to Tell her Son
1) “You are allowed to be angry but shouting and name calling is off limits. I will listen to everything you have to say, as long as it is in a calm voice and respectful.”
As parents, part of our job is to teach social interaction. Now, girls need this as well as boys. But I see a lot of TV and movies and news coverage about men going off on rage filled rants. This is not productive and definitely not the way to get what you want. In fact, it’s just too easy to slip into bullying behavior when not learning to express anger well.
Boys grow into men who have relationships. Learning to resolve conflicts without name calling or shouting down the other person is a skill many of us wish we could cultivate. So, allow your son always to feel his anger but express it in a productive way. Remember, the way he uses anger with you and others will be the way he will show anger toward your future grandchildren
The Second Thing a Mom Needs to Tell her Son
2) The second thing a mom should say to her son, ”When stuff goes wrong, you can give up or you can work the problem. Have your little moment of sadness, then put that aside and work the problem.”
I’m alarmed by the amount of suicide among young people today. And I don’t mean just teens. Very young kids like around the age of nine years old, are killing themselves like never before. I was taught that a person thinking of suicide cannot see themselves in any kind of future and that’s a problem because kids who have no hope and can’t reach out to get hope, are surely going to just give up.
So, tell your son that disappointments will happen, and a good time to do that is when he is disappointed, but you have the way to take care of it. I say to tell them to allow that moment of sadness because it’s not good to stuff those feelings away and shove them down. You go off in private, give yourself five minutes or less of full out pity party. But tell yourself that at the end of the five minutes, you’re going to set those feelings aside, and start to work the problem. By work the problem, I mean set out your options and choose a direction to go.
Help your son use this logic on simple problems and he’ll naturally do it on bigger problems. Part of working the problem means looking for information. He needs to learn to research and ask for solutions or places or other people who might have a solution. He needs to know that if he feels he doesn’t want to talk to you about the problem that it’s OK to seek other options.
Let him know how you solve big problems. Teach him that it’s wonderful to fail because that means that success is right around the corner. The most successful people in this world are the ones who failed over and over but learned to work the problem.
The Third Thing a Mom Needs to Tell her Son
3) The third thing a mom should say to her son is, ”I really love your dad. We disagree sometimes but that’s just us working a problem. I love him in a very special way.” Just like dad’s need to say this to daughters, moms need to say it to sons. Often, we get caught up in day to day conversations about work and chores and the mundane.
That might not look super loving from our kid’s point of view. So, don’t assume he just knows that you care for his dad, tell him. Kids often hear us disagree or joke around but they don’t see us make up. They can have a fear that any argument may lead to divorce, like so many of their friends. You can bet that he may have heard friends say that their parents fought a lot before separating and that is real life scary to him.
Maybe you are divorced already and your son knows that you don’t feel that way about his dad anymore. Say it anyway, let your son know that there was a time when you really loved his dad and that beautiful memory will always be with you. A son is looking to you to learn how he should treat women when he becomes older. He needs to hear what you loved about his dad or still love about his dad to feel whole within himself.
Say these three things to your son today. Our son’s rely on us as Moms to strengthen them with our words. Our words will stay with our sons all through their lives. Be the rock your son can stand on.
A graduate of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, Angie J. Hernandez, C.Ht., has her private practice in Milford, Indiana. She is certified in hypnotherapy by the Hypnotherapist's Union Local 472. Angie is the author of "Weight Loss Epiphany: The Workbook" and "The Pretty & Smart Planner. You can find out more about Angie and how to schedule private sessions by calling (574) 658-4686.
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