The Rocky Road to Restoring Trust with Your Child
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Trust holds relationships together, but sometimes the bonds unravel. There are always going to be disagreements with your child but if you have a huge breach of trust it can be some real work to repair those feelings.
Trust can be restored, but it takes work. Consider these strategies for what to do when you let your child.
What to Do When You Damage the Trust
Apologize sincerely.
Express your regret for what you did and acknowledge the impact that your actions had on others’ lives. Resist the urge to make excuses, and listen to what your child has to say even if it’s uncomfortable to hear. Allowing your child to talk UNTIL will give him an outlet for his feelings.
Skip the details.
While you need to be candid with yourself, you may be able to spare your child’s feelings if you leave out some of the fine points. They don’t need to know that your job came first that time or another time you wanted to be alone with your girlfriend or boyfriend or you forgot their birthday.
Make amends.
Back up your words with concrete actions. That may include committing yourself to more one on one time with your child or making a family apology about your part in the conflict.
Change your behavior.
Avoiding a repeat performance is usually the most effective way to demonstrate your remorse. You’ll need to understand what you did and create new habits that keep you from going down that path again. Look, your child wants to be the center of your world and that isn’t possible all the time. But think about your behavior that was the last straw with your child, and don’t repeat it. Change your behavior and you can build back the trust you lost.
Resolve underlying issues.
While you’re examining yourself, you may notice disturbing patterns concerning yourself or your relationship with your child. Reach out for additional resources that can help you make more constructive decisions. Talk with a therapist or a close friend.
Be patient.
Healing takes time. Give others the opportunity to see that you’re determined to make real changes. Don’t expect the situation to turn on a dime.
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What to Do When Your Child Damages Your Trust
Accept responsibility.
Even when you’re the one who has been injured, you may have played some part in the situation. Knowing your contribution gives you the power to create different outcomes. Maybe you’ll want to work on your assertiveness or build up your self-esteem.
Suspend judgment.
If you’re going to give someone a second chance, it’s important to play fair. Focus on the full picture instead of their one transgression. Be firm with your family rules but allow your child a way to rebuild the trust. Keep an open mind and avoid dragging the past into current conflicts.
Make contingency plans.
You’ll probably feel more confident if you decide what you want to do rather than letting your actions depend on a child who let you down. Don’t let what happened stop you from your normal activities.
Honor your strengths.
Think of the challenges you’ve already survived. While it’s uncomfortable to have your trust violated, especially by your child, you can still enjoy a happy and productive life.
Manage your expectations.
It’s healthy to set reasonable boundaries in a relationship even with a son or daughter, but remember that humans are fallible. Distinguish between minor slights and serious patterns and act accordingly.
When trust is violated, you may wonder if that trust can ever be re-built or if it is even worth it. The answer is a resounding yes. With enough forgiveness and love you can heal the rift and create a lifelong stronger and fulfilling relationship with your child.
About the Author Angie J. Hernandez, C.Ht.
A graduate of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, Angie J. Hernandez, C.Ht., has her private practice in Milford, Indiana. She is certified in hypnotherapy by the Hypnotherapist's Union Local 472. Angie is the author of "Weight Loss Epiphany: The Workbook", "Charlie's Cuddly Animals for Little Geniuses" and "Weight Loss Hypnosis: Lose Weight with Hypnosis Scripts & Recordings". You can find out more about Angie and how to schedule private sessions by calling (574) 658-4686.
