Our congress is due to vote on a new Supreme Court Judge. The appointee has been accused of sexual misconduct as a teenager by a woman who was his classmate. I’m seeing lots of comments that support her. Many are telling personal stories of being abused. I’m seeing others saying that if it was true, why didn’t the teenage girl report it?
My colleague posted today about two incidents when she escaped from some serious situations by timely interruption. Once when the police came in to disrupt a loud party. She had been awaiting her friends in the hall outside the party when a man picked her up and bodily carried her to a bedroom.
Another time her friend’s boyfriend was chasing her around her apartment and she was afraid. That man later murdered his wife and chopped her into pieces.
Now, you may have never been in that particular dire circumstance or maybe I’m wrong, and you’ve been in worse. But I know that what happens when a girl is strong enough to report being forced or harmed can be as damaging as the attack itself.
In today’s video, I want to tell you three ways that a parent can tell a boy his actions are out of line. Our sons need a different point of view and society isn’t going to teach it to them.
Let’s get started.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH VIDEO directly on YouTube.
First I want to say that my reason for this post is to maybe show a little different point of view. I think we can start the next generation of boys with a clearer message of behavior towards others, especially girls. They get a lot of messages from video games, TV, movies, music and social media. As parents, our influence means a lot. Let’s us it.
Behavior Rule #1 Consent means giving permission and keeping the permission.
If you want to get closer to a woman, you need her permission. She needs to say, “yes, it’s Ok to kiss me.” And she needs to say “yes” to any other advance.
Yes, might mean when you lean in for a kiss, she meets you halfway. If she is backing off, that is a “NO”. And that “NO” means you don’t keep going and pushing forward. It means you back off and stop.
Maybe she gave a Yes to a kiss but you would like to go further. At this point you need another “Yes”. If she is moving your hand away, that is a “NO”. That “NO” means you don’t keep going and pushing forward. It means you back off and stop.
Every time you want a little more, you must get a “Yes”. Either a verbal Yes or a physical Yes. If the answer is “NO” or “I don’t want to” or “I don’t think we should”, all of those means “NO”. A physical “NO” is also a “NO”. That “NO” means you don’t keep going and pushing forward. It means you back off and stop.
That should be clear and straight forward.
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Behavior Rule #2 Physical forcing is not acceptable in any case.
If you are using force to get your way, that is not acceptable. That is true for boys or girls.
It’s not right to use your size and force to hold your little brother down and make him smell your feet. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Holding a person down by force to make them do something or to allow you to do something to them is not right. If you have to use your size and strength to make it happen, you should not be doing that. It’s wrong.
This goes for both girls and boys especially when others are watching or helping you force what you want on someone else. This includes fights and pranks. It’s not a joke if you have to use physical force. If another person feels they have to hurt you to protect themselves, you’re probably doing something you shouldn’t.
And don’t ever let other people tell you that this is OK. It is not.
Behavior Rule #3 Just because other people do it, does not make it right.
I’ve probably heard my mom say this a hundred times.
But our kids need to learn this today just like they did when I was a kid.
Just because there are assault scenarios in video games, that doesn’t mean it’s right to attack another person. That doesn’t make it right to touch someone else’s body when they say “NO”.
Music has a lot of lyrics where they talk about sex in ways that are really rapes or physical assaults. It might seem fun or glamorous the way the music portrays it but it’s not right. And you are not living in a song. This is real life and way you behave in secret can come out at any time. Keep your values even when you don’t think anyone is watching.
I know that kids don’t believe that anything they do reflects on the future. That’s why it’s our job to do our best with them. Even then some are going to get into trouble but we still strive to teach them the best way we can. I believe that straight talk about consent and using physical strength against others is super important.
In my hypnotherapy practice, I’m seeing many with the scars of physical assault well into their adulthood; men and women. I encourage you to educate your children about your family’s code of conduct to guide them in life.
If you liked this video and don’t want more like it, give me a Like on Facebook and a subscribe on YouTube. You don’t want to miss it.
If you need more help with this and other problems, schedule a session with me, Angie Hernandez, for hypnosis. That bad habit doesn’t have to last forever.
Want hypnosis at home? Here is my HYPNOSIS FOR ANGRY THOUGHTS available for immediate download.
About the Author Angie J. Hernandez, C.Ht.
A graduate of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, Angie J. Hernandez, C.Ht., has her private practice in Milford, Indiana. She is certified in hypnotherapy by the Hypnotherapist's Union Local 472. Angie is the author of "Weight Loss Epiphany: The Workbook", "Charlie's Cuddly Animals for Little Geniuses" and "Weight Loss Hypnosis: Lose Weight with Hypnosis Scripts & Recordings". You can find out more about Angie and how to schedule private sessions by calling (574) 658-4686.
