We’ve had some traumatic days in our country, watching as children and parents have been separated at the Mexican-USA border. Very quickly, American mothers and fathers spoke out, condemning the action and the president reacted. Even though that policy has been changed, many are wondering, what happens in the minds of children separated from their parents?
[click_to_tweet tweet=”Now, I can’t jump into the minds of the children on the border. What I can do is to tell you about clients I have seen for hypnotherapy that have had childhood trauma and what happened to them.” quote=”Now, I can’t jump into the minds of the children on the border. What I can do is to tell you about clients I have seen for hypnotherapy that have had childhood trauma and what happened to them.” theme=”style3″]Let’s get started.
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Before I was a hypnotherapist, back when my children were small, I had a good friend. She was a little older than me and from Canada. She told me that when she was young, her father kidnapped her and kept her for a period of time. She was separated from her mother. Her father spent a lot of time hanging out in boxing gyms and took her with him. Not the clean and brightly colored gyms of today, with workout music and air conditioning. These were the boxing gyms of the 60’s. She remembers them as dirty, smelly rooms with large stinking men who frightened her. Finally, the police located her and returned her to her mother.
I wish I were a hypnotherapist then because she never fully recovered from that. Her father was long dead but she would feel anxiety and angry whenever her own boys had smelly gym clothes or their rooms needed cleaning. I could have helped her reconcile that feeling. Those feelings never left her.
Sometimes in hypnosis, we use regression. Going back in your life to see where a trauma originated. It’s tricky and you need someone well trained to do it or you can relive the trauma, not something we EVER want to do or a person’s memory can be affected. That is not good. But when done properly, regression can be surprising. Some people recall times when they were very young, like younger than the age of two. Some even have memories of their birth or while they were in the womb. And these are usually memories of a trauma. The child feels the fear of not being wanted or not being safe or even being abandoned. So when we are seeing reports of babies and toddlers being separated from their parents, we could be seeing the beginning of a lifelong trauma.
A trauma for a young child might not seem like much of an event to an adult. Even so, it has lifelong consequences for many people. [click_to_tweet tweet=” Each person perceives trauma in their own way. But the underlying theme seems to be that when a child does not feel safe or in control of their situation, a trauma is being born.” quote=” Each person perceives trauma in their own way. But the underlying theme seems to be that when a child does not feel safe or in control of their situation, a trauma is being born.” theme=”style3″]
When we face a trauma, our Subconscious Mind makes up rules about life that stick with us. The Rule is a child’s Rule but it continues on into adulthood.
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Here are some Rules I’ve seen in adults that were created in childhood events:
1) I’m not good enough.
A LOT of us have this Rule embedded in our brains. This can come from any number of childhood points of view. One client made this rule when she was denied a Popsicle after dinner but her sibling was allowed one. Just being overlooked in any way can trigger the I’m Not Good Enough Rule. Imagine being told that by a whole country!
2) I don’t deserve a good life.
This can also be tied into Survivor’s Guilt. A colleague mentioned that a client remembered a moment when he was a toddler in his playpen. His step brother was beating up his brother. In that moment, he felt he was not safe and not in control and that his brother was dying. This led to many adult problems but the root of them all was the Rule his mind established because of this event; the I Don’t Deserve a Good Life Rule. He didn’t deserve a good life because, as a toddler, he could not save his brother.
Harsh, right? But that’s a toddler’s point of view and the idea in his mind didn’t change because he matured.
3) I’m just not good at Math, Spelling, Cooking, Sports, Relationships, …….fill in the blank.
Again a pretty common Rule that many of us adopt as young people. This one I’ve seen instilled in many people in many ways.
One client said she was not a good cook. Her aunts and mother were. But she was not. For her this was said as a failing on her part. It was tied into her outlook on herself as a woman and she chastised herself for it. It didn’t matter that she was so talented in other ways or that women do all kinds of things, cooking isn’t coded in our DNA.
So many of us take on this Rule because of something a family member says or a coach or a teacher. While others take it as a challenge to do well. How does our mind decide which of those ways is best for us? That’s the question we can’t answer.
Another client says she doesn’t like Christmas. I asked why. When she was very young, she wrapped fresh fruit for her father as a present. When he opened it and found it spoiled, everyone around laughed. Even though her father praised and soothed her, as an adult she couldn’t let the laughter go. She still clung to the Rule she had made that day; I Hate Christmas.
These are just some of the Rules we make up for ourselves as children when we feel out of control and unsafe. Especially if the persons in our life who we thought could protect us, are taken away and we see they cannot protect us.
When children are separated from their families, we don’t know what Rules those children are making up in their minds. It can be devastating to the adults who they will become. Let’s remember to guard the children, no matter what the politics are.
About the Author Angie J. Hernandez, C.Ht.
A graduate of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, Angie J. Hernandez, C.Ht., has her private practice in Milford, Indiana. She is certified in hypnotherapy by the Hypnotherapist's Union Local 472. Angie is the author of "Weight Loss Epiphany: The Workbook", "Charlie's Cuddly Animals for Little Geniuses" and "Weight Loss Hypnosis: Lose Weight with Hypnosis Scripts & Recordings". You can find out more about Angie and how to schedule private sessions by calling (574) 658-4686.
